A quick guide for the surrogate parent on how to fill out any official document associated with your child.
(For example a passport application).
You will need. A pen, the required forms, a cup of coffee or a glass of wine and a shredder.
Step 1. Plug in and turn on the shredder.
Step 2. Take your ego and shred it (you won’t be needing that).
Step 3. Take a sip of coffee/wine.
Step 4. Pick up pen and read first question.
Step 5. Become confused at possible ambiguity.
Step 6. Refer to step 3.
Schtep 6.5. Head to kitchen for armful of junk comfort food (you’re going to need it – to soak up alcohol)
Step 6.5.1 Pop chocolate from box or biscuit from packet to ensure brain is working and not starved of nutrition, schip whine to ensure intschtin’l f... (hic) for’tude.
Schtepps (oops) Schtep 6.7531457. Reconschider question 1
Schtep Scheven. Move onto next question.
Schtep (Buuurp) Aaaate. Repeat steps 5 - 7 until the end of the form, finish biscuits.
Step NEIN! Poo (burp) Poo (hic) Pour another teensy glass of wine then chugg the rest of the wine from the bottle, finish the entire percolator of cuppa’s, schearsh box of chocsh for hard centres by pressing thumb into top of each, roll drunkenly around room laughing at attempt. Screw up papers and throw to corner, retrieve, iron out with hands on table surface and return to step 1.
Point Dix: Next day take tattered and beaten form to authority, along with any paperwork you’ve ever had or thought you had; throw forms, papers and self on their mercy and hope for best. (allow 3 hrs min)
OK – fortunately it wasn’t quite that bad but it certainly wasn’t easy, and sipping wine between confusions would have seen me very drunk, because I’m not a big drinker and there were a LOT of confusing questions with (in our case) two or more possible answers and no explanation of that circumstance in the blurb.
The problem (as I see it) is that the forms are simply not designed for children born via IVF/surrogacy overseas, we’re being squished onto a ‘single parent’ form. Not the case. I have a partner who is also the carer: My Pink Peril have two very caring parents.
But...
There’s a ‘make do’ with the forms we have and ‘make them fit’, mentality. To change them would mean a government, (some government past, present or future) would have to admit that there is a growing number of people for whom the template of tick boxes doesn’t work.
I can understand the departments caution around issuing passports where children are involved (surely all the more reason to create the ‘right’ form). It’s reasonable - but I also see an anomaly that applies to me as a genetic and clearly ‘intended’ parent of an overseas surrogacy arrangement and doesn’t apply to an Australian Couple who were; say, fortunate enough to have an altruistic surrogate in this country or even a couple who perhaps adopted. It is not a besmirch on these people’s parental reputations; that they are unfairly ‘given’ legal parent status, while I and others are not; NO, children are precious and being given the opportunity to have them in your life to care for is a wonderful gift and I’m sure these parents treasure that as much as I do. Nor is it a case of pure sour grape on my part, the anomaly is there, it is real, it exists in black and white ( and in this instance purple in fact) under what could be considered very similar circumstances.
This then reflects on the welfare of the children in the ‘bio’ parent’s care. It often costs them more (and sometimes a good deal more), it generally takes more of their time (and sometimes a good deal more) and in rare cases can be limiting of their ability to give and/or share an experience of the world with their child/ren in general.
Not in the best interest of the child/ren.
I won’t give up, because this is for my Pink Peril; equally I won’t give up resenting the lack of simplicity in a clear, concise, fit for purpose form: because governments refuse to acknowledge and legislate my circumstance.
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