Terry's Weekly Blog

Weekly Blog - The Cuckooed Father

Each day I thank the serendipitous circumstances of the universe that created us, because I can watch my two daughters growing. I thought I would never have children, that were biologically related to me under my care and protection. I call them the pink peril because they are now; at 15 months, running everywhere and in at least two directions at once, (sometimes it seems like more). I love them. I love it when they whine at me. I loved every minute of sleep deprivation and midnight formula mixing when they were infants. I love their irradiating smiles that have the power to arrest total strangers and brighten their days. In short I love everything about my little bundles. MY little bundles.

But there are dark clouds roiling at the edge of this blissful domestic scene. A sword a Damocles; if you will, hangs over my head. In this country, legally and only legally, I’m not a parent. In this country because of the way my beautiful pink peril were conceived, carried and born, their only legal parent lives in another country. My biological connection to them is seen as “sperm donor”. There are a million little ironies in this situation many of them hysterically funny but the sum of these little ironies and at their core is pure bigotry.

Anyone physically incapable of carrying their own embryonic child in this country and with no generous, altruistic connection for an alternative is seen as sub-human and not entitled to the ‘rights’ of all other parents in this country. I never wanted to be a cuckoo father. I wanted to have and hold and care for my own babies, then children and finally young adults. Why shouldn’t I? I’m capable, possibly more capable than many others... but the laws in this country have turned me, and many other parents into a cuckooed parents, merely because we don’t know or have access to a woman in Australia who would altruistically carry and bare a child for us.

In the practicality of day to day living, it “generally” isn’t an issue - though it can be. And... where it is, it is a very big issue indeed. Medical treatment preferences can be overruled by a totally unrelated physician. Wills require greater care to prepare. In some situations even schooling can be an issue. Something as simple as going on holiday has caught me recently. Applying for a passport requires more time and energy and is fraught with more difficulty than for parents of children born through altruistic surrogacy here in this country. Of course these are mere obstacles and in most cases can be got around but at greater expense and taking more time, cheating my pink peril of their parents attention and finances that could be better used on them in the process. It isn’t fair nor right. It is not in the best interest of these children and it should be changed.

Terry